I have biases. I admit it! Whereas once I would have been ashamed to admit this publicly, now I’m ok with this. Simply because I believe that knowing yourself – especially your biases – is key to being able to really get the best out of other people. McKinsey also agree (which is a great relief to them as much as the team at Tinder-Box I am sure!) in their recent article ‘The case for behavioural strategy’. Knowing your biases is one thing,  but being able to do something about them – or not do something as a result of them – is the real key to great self-leadership.

But where do biases come from? Even if you are humble enough and curious enough to find out what they are, then the question is “Do you want to do anything about them?”. This is a BIG question. Rule 1 of coaching (paraphrased ala. Miller) is “unless you really want to change something, then don’t bother trying”. This week I was talking to someone who was furious about a relationship they had, and how the other person pushed all the wrong buttons for them. They were determined to modify their behaviour to engage the other person – and they explained they had tried everything. So I asked “Do you really want to build a relationship with them?”. After a moments silence and some thought : “No” they admitted. They are no longer frustrated. They are however very curious about what this means, and what values and beliefs they have that allow these biases to come to the forefront.

This was reinforced recently with a group of leaders with whom I was engaged with on the topic of ‘Diversity and Inclusion’. Instead of a traditional ‘training day’ (which does nothing to change beliefs or values by the way : try offering someone training who doesn’t believe they are able to do something) we spent time exploring unconscious biases. Guess what the big one was? ‘Gender’ ? No. ‘Race’? No. ‘Religion’? It was Age – fancy that.

So – be curious. Listen to your unconscious biases and watch how they play out. Sounds a bit weird? Even weirder is that others can see these biases, and will point them out if you ask them. This does require a level of courage. However, I don’t think we’re talking about the emperors’ new clothes – but maybe just a case of ‘does my bum look big in this?’.